156. Imperfect Allyship®: Why Social Change Needs Space For Imperfection
Imperfection in Action
Imperfect Allyship® is more than just a phrase. It’s an entire thought process, action framework, and a way of being. Imperfect Allyship® is a movement.
It’s a concept that is nuanced and layered, it requires collaboration and vulnerability, but it also doesn’t have to be complicated. Imperfect Allyship® requires us to show up, hold space, and listen before we act. It’s a commitment, not an end destination.
India joins Erica to dig into the meaning of Imperfect Allyship® and how it comes to life in action.
Listen on your favorite podcast player or keep reading to learn:
Coming to a working definition of Imperfect Allyship®
How perfectionism gets in the way of allyship
How Imperfect Allyship® supports DEI efforts
Why allyship goes across lines and demographic checkboxes
Imperfect Allyship® Means Holding Space
On the Pause on the Play® podcast, India Jackson begins to define Imperfect Allyship® as holding space for being supportive. She says it’s important to remember that support is determined by who or what needs the support and not what you think they need.
She says it’s “also holding space for creating a better future each and every day and how every action that we take can support that. And in order to take those actions, we have to let go of the idea of being perfect. Because perfect is going to stop us from doing or saying anything.”
At its most basic, Erica defines Imperfect Allyship® as “you having access to something that someone else doesn’t and you choosing to utilize that access for good, for positivity, for impact, for evolution.”
She says it’s important to bear in mind that how that takes shape will depend on the situation and the timing and that there is no rote formula for Imperfect Allyship®.
Imperfection is the Constant
The only constant, Erica says, is imperfection.
She continues, “the imperfect piece needed to be there because so often people are just worried about ‘I don’t want to mess it up,’ and I’m like, well, if you ain’t messed it up, you haven’t done it. You’re not going to be perfect. And it’s not about you.”
India adds that “perfection is there to keep us from doing anything, to remind us that what we’re thinking of doing or considering might not be good enough, so just don’t do it, right? Just don’t create the change…And what are we leaving off the table when we do that?”
Erica says that when perfectionism shows up, we’re closing down the space of exploration and curiosity of what’s possible, and it also closes down our ability to understand the outcomes that your allyship is here for.
“Imperfect Allyship® is here to be able to support people with what it is that they actually need and…that requires a certain amount of imperfection because you literally need to be in conversation with people.”
India adds that imperfection is vulnerable because imperfection requires us to say that we don’t know, that we don’t have it all figured out, but we want to support and to help. But opening up to that vulnerability “allows you to collaborate together, to brainstorm together of how can you take the tools that you have and create some change with it.”
Allyship Across Lines
“You can be an Imperfect Ally® for anybody,” Erica says.
Often, allyship is discussed in the context of, for example, a white person being an ally to a Black person, but Erica contends that allyship goes all ways.
“There are people that do not look, live, or love the way that you do that you can be an Imperfect Ally® to.You can be an Imperfect Ally® to somebody that does look, live, and love the way that you do because of the fact that the levels of access…or resources that you have that may be different than theirs.”
In action, that could mean making introductions for someone to a connection of yours so that you can help them amplify their work.
“Imperfect Allyship® is about supporting across lines, period.”
She continues, “It is important to support those that you know need things. But it’s also important to really question, who am I deciding is in need?”
India agrees and says that wanting to be an ally to someone requires getting to know them better and not make assumptions about what they need for support.
“Even when you have all of the boxes checked [for] the things that we are the same in, we’re still different.”
Erica adds, “It is so important to make sure that your allyship is really steeped in allowing people to let you know what it is that you can do to support them. Let them write that prescription.”
Imperfect Allyship® and DEI
In her work through Pause on the Play® and Flaunt Your Fire®, India says with clients she approaches Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion and Imperfect Allyship® by asking what is the right, most supportive thing to do, and infusing that with the client’s values.
“Not what I think the right thing to do is, but what they’ve said their brand and company values believe the right thing to do is.”
That goes beyond what’s on a sales page or in their social media feeds, and is also about relationship building and resource sharing.
“How can you include other people into…the network you have, into the spaces you have access to as part of that inclusion and that diversity. And if we’re going to go a little step further, to get a vision of how that might create equity long-term.”
Erica responds that though “what is the right thing to do in this situation” seems like a simple question, it’s one that rarely has a neat answer.
“The reason that is such a powerful prompt is because very often when someone is seeking to be an Imperfect Ally®, they’re seeking a simple, succinct, paint-by-numbers type of way of jumping into the deep end. And that doesn’t exist because it’s not that simple.”
If people can take that reminder and stay open to the more complicated realities, then, she says, you can evaluate what’s possible and allow your allyship to become more fluid.
“You have to begin to be a collaborator in this process and to define what this is for you in action.”
India adds that in order for Imperfect Allyship® and DEI efforts to stick with you for a lifetime, “it has to be a collaborative process that is customized to you, getting to the root of what allyship means for you. What matters to you? Who do you want to be an ally for?”
Giving and Receiving
Erica says that it is also possible to both want to be an Imperfect Ally® and to be on the receiving end of allyship.
India adds that for her, as someone who is both, “it does require me to constantly check-in and make sure that I am filling my cup enough to be able to have it overflow, to continue to give…remembering that I need allyship too.”
Though she cautions against the belief that “because I need allyship…that there’s nothing I have to offer anybody else. That’s not true…There’s still always something that we have to offer others, even if it’s just our kindness.”
Ready to Dive Deeper?
If you’re seeking connection and community on your journey of Imperfect Allyship®, join us at Pause on the Play®, The Community where you can expand your awareness and get support, understanding, and share experiences at the intersection of learning and evolution.
Learn more at pauseontheplay.com/community PauseOnThePlay.com/Community